Buster Posey Injury Hysteria

 

 

Buster Posey Injury Hysteria

5/26/11

SLY

From the Diaries of The Three Bs contributors:

 

KJ: Day 1 AB: An eerie silence has come over us. The cheers of yesteryear have been quieted. Our Savior has fallen.

 

AP:In the innings prior we (fans) all rose as one, in this moment of great strife we all drew a ragged breath. Just as the Great Leonidas before him, our brave Gerald sacrificed himself in the name of what we call home.We, more than ever, must protect this house.

 

SLY: The bad dream I believed I dreamt was proven to not be a dream but a real life sports inspired nightmare.The nightmarish event doesn’t feel real and won’t until the name of Whiteside permanently resides in the starting nine.

 

Raise your hand if you thought Scott Cousins would rip your heart out, place it on a curb, and to curb-stomp it repeatedly until the organ was unrecognizable?

 

I guess it was about as likely as Wilson Valdez earning a W before a healthy Ubaldo Jiminez.

 

Three Perspectives on the Buster Posey Injury

 

Fan: Most fans will never have the chance to meet Buster Posey the Person.Their interaction is limited to watching Buster do his job. To them (fans), Buster Posey is as good as dead (until he returns).Turn on KNBR today.It sounds like a radio broadcast of a funeral.

 

Personal:I feel for the guy as I too, have had a devastating baseball injury.For Buster, time will go by excruciatingly slow in the upcoming days, weeks, and months.There will be setbacks.Sorry Buster, this will not be fun.Good luck.

 

Team:All the right things will be said to the media, but every player on los Gigantes understands what Posey means to the team.It is s safe to say the mountain to the 2011 playoffs just went from Camelback Mountain (which a fat Pablo could still dominate) to something closer to Mount Everest/Kilimanjaro (wherethe conditions have to be right to climb).

 

Lucky for los Gigantes, the conditions are still good in the NL West.

 

Showtime Footage

 

Showtime producers have struck gold.There has been extended time lost to do injuries to four (Ross, Torres, Sandoval, and Posey) of los Gigantes regulars within the first 8 weeks of the season and yet the team is in first place.

I have a proposal for documenting Posey’s injury.Showtime should shoot a History Channel style documentary in the vein of “24 Hours after the JFK Assassination”.

 

Here is the script: Each scene must state how many minutes or hours before or after the injury occurred.

 

Opening scene: Montage of 9th inning comeback.

 

Cut to bottom 12th: Injury. Cameras get reactions from players, coaches, and fans. Catch a OMG moment from a fan and at least one fan crying.

 

Queue silence, then dreary dark undertones, then sounds of chaos.

 

Follow Buster to training room.Add swear words if Buster will not swear.Cameras must be bouncing around to illustrate the panic of the situation.

 

Cut to los Gigantes final out and quietness of the players entering the clubhouse.

 

Showtime will only air questions to players about Buster’s injury to illustrate how the loss of Buster was larger than the loss of the game.

 

Highlight Murph and Mac and the funeral like mood of the show.Cut to G-Rad and his “Nobody died” line.

 

Show another montage of all the updated reports on Buster from the media.

 

Okay Showtime, you can take it from here.Check the “SLY” section if you want my contact information for some producing help.

 

Rule Change

 

Buster Olney suggested that collisions at home plate should be disallowed.I appreciate Olney sticking up for his namesake, but I feel it is part of the game.The BBM chat this morning between KJ, RT, AP, and I resulted with a rule that we felt was fair and kept the collisions legal.

 

Rule 7.002C: A player may collide with a player at home plate in an effort to reach the base safely. The running player may not collide with a player at an attempt to jar the ball from a player’s possession.If a collision occurs without an effort to reach the base safely the player shall be called out and all advancing runners must return to the previous base.

 

The call would hinge on the Umpire’s discretion.This play will be reviewable.

 

Final Thought

 

Buster Posey (2011): 4 Home Runs and 21 RBIs

Eli Whiteside (Career): 7 Home Runs and 25 RBIs

 

Please be healthy for 2012.

A Call to Action for More Neck Tattoos

 

A Call to Action for More Neck Tattoos

5/24/11

SLY

 

I’ve often written about my affinity for neck tats and the people who decided they are a good look and fit for their lifestyle.

 

My hypothesis: Neck tattoos are predominantly on three groups of people:

 

1. Professional Athletes. (Basketball players are the worse offenders.)

 

2. Entertainers. (A better decision for Musical acts than Actor.)

 

3. Self-Employed or in a field that does not require customer interaction.

 

My thoughts are rational and I feel they are self evident.The all too proud owners of neck tattoos make the bold statement that: “I never have to worry about my appearance to make a living.”

 

A person in group #3 is most likely an excellent chef who has appeared on “No Reservations” or associated with illegal activities.

 

(I have been on a Tony Bourdain: No Reservations kick.I watched the Pacific Northwest episode where every chef was tat’d from head to toe.)

 

Gangland has also been a DVR favorite of mine the past few years.The number of tattoos on the necks of the criminals on Gangland is astounding. Why would anyone who engages in constant illegal acts ever want to have an easily identifiable trait?

 

Criminals must have been smarter in the past.I cannot think of one famous Mafioso who ever donned a neck tattoo.

 

This brings me to Giovanni Ramirez, the prime suspect in the Bryan Stow beating.I was elated on Sunday morning when the news was reported that he was in custody.I was more elated to learn what tip led to his arrest: Ramirez’s neck tattoo.

 

Ramirez’s Probation Officer (is anyone surprised that Ramirez is a convicted felon?) noticed that Ramirez’s neck tattoo was recently changed and that Ramirez resembled one of the men on the 300 Billboards around the Los Angeles area.

 

Why would someone change one of their most easily identifiable traits?Easy, when someone thinks that an easily indefinable trait may make them easier to indentify.

 

The ironic part is that if Ramirez left his neck tattoo as is, his probation officer probably never makes the call to the Los Angeles Police Department.

 

Witnesses may not even have been able to identify Ramirez’s neck tattoo.The senseless attack occurred at almost 9pm in parking lot that is not well lit.The sketches were not too detailed.

 

Ramirez’s paranoia from a physically identifiable trait he willingly added to his body led him make a decision which led to his arrest.

 

That’s beautiful.

 

Maybe we should take a page out of the “Scarlet Letter” and brand our felons.Instead of a Scarlet A, we should think of a hideous neck tattoo to identify felons of the United States of America.

 

The “Felon Neck Tattoo” would have to be something big, bold, and bright.

 

(Yes, Three Bs alliteration pun intended.)

 

A Bad Off Day

SLY

5/10/11

Have you ever had a day which went horrible but then when you look back and it could have been a lot worse?

 

That was my Monday.

 

I woke up on Monday with my eyes a shade of red which would have made Joseph Stalin blush.I arrived to work and tried to have as little contact with other employees and customers as possible. I had no idea what was wrong with my eyes.I thought about using WebMD.com for a self diagnosis but I didn’t feel like reading my obituary.WebMD seems to always come up with a diagnosis which is in need of immediate emergency care.

 

A Doctor’s appointment was made for later in the afternoon.

 

I filled out my new patient paperwork when I arrived at the doctor’s office.I saw a familiar face in the back of the office.

 

SLY: “Is that the Doctor?”

 

Receptionist: “Why yes, it is.”

 

SLY: “Funny, I know him. He is a customer of mine.”

 

Receptionist: “Where do you work?”

 

SLY: “Uh, the Casino.”

 

Dang it, I probably shouldn’t have called out the doctor before he sees me.

 

Doctor: “Whoa!” (As the Doctor entered the patient room)

 

I made sure to give the Doctor his proper respects by referring to him as Dr. (insert last name here), instead of the initials I have known him as for the last two years as a customer.

 

Doctor (insert last name here) had a surprisingly great personality.He was also a huge baseball and Gigantes fan.

 

Maybe that’s why I liked him.

 

Turns out I had some crazy allergies, much better than the diagnosis I would have received on WebMD.It took 27 years, but I finally experienced what so many of my family and friends complain of each year.

 

I now feel your pain in my eyes and wallet.The three prescriptions clocked in at $125.

Why do I pay for health insurance?

 

I arrived home in a bitter mood because of the cash spent on the prescriptions, the allergies, and there was no Gigantes game to look forward to.

 

The bitter mood soon turned to panic.

 

I noticed some water on the street in front of my house.I looked a little closer, it was not “some” water, it was a lot of water. Water was pouring into the street.I then heard an odd sound; it was the sound of water shooting into the air.I looked in horror as I saw what resembled “Old Faithful” in my backyard.

 

Water was shooting about 15 feet in the air.It was impressive.I would have taken time to snap a picture ff it wasn’t for the fact it was destroying the home I owe so much money on.

 

I threw off my suit, grabbed shorts, a shirt, and shoes I knew would be ruined.I ran to the backyard which was now 6-8 inches under water.I found the broken pipe, and was unable to stop Old Faithful.

 

I ran to the front of the house and turned off the main water supply.I looked like I just walked out of a swimming pool as I stood in shock on the sidewalk.

 

As I stood there soaked and dumbfounded, a lady walked past me with her dog.

 

LadyiWantedtoPunch: “Oh, Water.”

 

She then proceeded to lightly jump over the little puddle that was in her path.

 

I wanted to scream and curse her.

 

Look at me, almost grown up and able to deal with others.

 

I naturally called my Home Warranty company to fix my little water problem.

 

Turns out, the Home Warranty company (Fidelity Home Warranty) only covers incidents inside the actual home.

 

Thank you, I will now cancel your service.

 

I was unable to secure a plumber for Monday night.I would have brought out the soap and shampoo when Old Faithful was erupting if I known that would be the case.

 

A plumber arrived on Tuesday morning.I was expecting a hefty bill to fix the pipe.I acted like it was an easy fix to the plumber, and it was.$90 and 10 minutes later, my pipe was repaired.

 

As the plumber left he showed me where I could have shut off the water for only outside.

 

I felt like I belonged on the short bus.

 

I took a shower to wash off the shame of my home owner incompetence before work.

 

All in All the day could have been worse.My eyes could have had an un-curable new strain of pinkeye and my house could have been completely flooded.

 

I’ll take the $215 tab and shame of not knowing how my home functions.

 

I hate off-days.

The Slingin’ Johnny Sanchez Drinking Game

 

The Slingin’ Johnny Sanchez Drinking Game

With the Spiritual Southpaw on the shelf I have been asked who would carry the Barry Zito Drinking game torch.

 

Easy, Slingin’ Johnny Sanchez.

 

It is an easy call because Sanchez’s starts are frustrating, fascinating, and often dominating. He can look aloof, focused, and aloof all within the same batter.

 

As Mama Gump famously said: “Jonathon Sanchez is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”

 

Legal Disclaimer: The Three Bs and its correspondents are not responsible for the health risks involved in any drinking games.If you are too stupid to know when to quit, then shame on you.

 

Slingin’ Johnny Sanchez is wildly effectively wild; the rules reflect his best and worst traits.

 

Official Rules of the Slingin’ Johnny Sanchez Drinking Game:

 

On the Bump:

 

Strike out an opposing hitter: 2 drinks

 

For every base runner(s) stranded: 2 drinks

 

For every base on bal or HBPl: 2 drinks

 

For every Run allowed (earned or unearned): 6 drinks

 

For every wild pitch: 1 Beer

 

Every dumb, confused, or blank look by Sanchez will be worth: 1 Beer

 

Every time the camera catches Bochy with his hands on his hips, his size 8 hat off his noggin, or his hands in the air: 1 Beer

 

20+ Pitches in one inning: 1 Shot

 

4 Strikeouts in One Inning: Game Over. Every beer in the house must be finished. The participant(s) must spend an additional $100 if participating at the ballpark or bar.

 

At the Plate:

 

Reaching Base (Any way possible): 1 Beer

 

*Our empirical evidence found that 12 drinks equal a full beer*

 

Enjoy!

Surreal Scene

Surreal Scene

 

SLY

5/18/11

 

This entry will be used as a way for me to write out the details of one of the craziest acts I have seen in my short time on earth.The details are fresh and there is a strong possibility I will be called for some sort of questioning.

 

The day started innocent enough.I woke up to Murph and Mac, listened to Krukow talk about pitchers fielding their position (Please!!!), and made myself some breakfast.

 

(I have to have at least one Gigantes mention)

 

I left my quasi-city complex around 8:30AM and headed southbound to the freeway.

 

For visual reference, the parkway from my quasi-city complex that leads to the freeway entrance has two lanes northbound and southbound.

 

I drove in the right hand lane at a speed of around 55 MPH.The speed limit is 45 MPH, but that speed limit is rarely observed.

 

At 8:35AM or so I noticed an unusual sight, a car driving in the field to my right.

 

The car was a newer model Dodge Challenger.The Challenger’s color was black, the front end was smashed, and it approached my vehicle at an alarming rate.

 

The Challenger passed my vehicle on the right, off the road in the field, at a rate of approximately 80 MPH.

 

I had no clue at the moment what was going on.

 

There was a work truck and car (I noticed 3 workers) parked in the field approximately ¼ mile up (South) the road.

 

It soon occurred to me what was about to happen.

 

The Challenger had no intention of moving back towards the road. The Challenger headed straight for the parked work truck and car.

 

It happened.

 

The Challenger sped full speed into the work truck.I did not observe any break lights, or what happened to the people who were working in the field near the work truck and car.

 

The scene was something straight out of Quentin Tarantino’s “Death Proof”.

 

Shock is not a descriptive enough word.

 

One of my biggest strengths in life and what has made me successful at my job is the ability to access a situation and make an informed decision.

 

My first thought was that the driver of the Challenger attempted suicide and there was a good chance he was successful.

 

I expected multiple fatalities at the scene.

 

I approached the scene (in my car) with caution and normal human curiosity.

 

One man was seriously injured.The man was in shock and appeared to have devastating leg and hip injuries.He unsuccessfully attempted to get up multiple times.The other two people at the scene were in shock of what happened but appeared uninjured.

 

I had a decision.What is my role going to be here?

 

As I analyzed my options, another car quickly drove past me to the scene.The car had recently been rear ended.When I write “recently”, I mean as in the last 5 minutes.

 

The Challenger had at least one opening act before the finale.

 

The driver of the Challenger emerged from the wrecked car, he appeared uninjured.The driver was an Asian male, shaved head, and an age of mid 30s-early 40s.

 

The driver was someone who obviously was not of a sound or logical mind.

 

He walked around the scene with a sense of calm among all the devastation and destruction he was responsible for.

 

His sense of calm spooked me.I had the sick feeling that if he had a weapon, he would use it for harm on anyone around him.

 

I did not know the driver’s intentions or wanted to stick around to find out. Engaging the driver at the scene would not lead to anything positive.I felt as if the seriously injured party was being attended by the two others (excluding the driver) at the scene.

 

I called 911 as I left the scene.My call had one unique purpose as I knew 911 had already been called.

 

My goal was to alert dispatch that the accident scene should be treated as a crime scene as there was intent to injure and to proceed with caution with the driver.

 

I was glad I called as this was new information to dispatch.

 

The radio was silent for the 45 minute drive to work.I sat and thought about the surreal situation.

 

I was at a stop light the minute before.Would I have been the recipient of a high speed rear-end crash?I would have been an easy target.

 

All of a sudden, life felt very fragile and Aaron Rowand’s .484 OPS in May felt insignificant.

*** Thanks to Cyndie Moran of http://www.coffeequeenkeepsbusy.com/ for the photos***

The White Car was the Opening Act

The Once Pristine Dodge Challenger

 

The Field to the right is where the “accident” occured

 

 

Birthday Wishes and the Inappropriate Tweet of the Day!

As always see the article as it was intended at http://The-Three-Bs.com Thanks- Shaun

 

5/6/11

A BIG 80th Happy Birthday to the Say Hey Kid. 

 

My Grandfather feels old.

 

I highly recommend that you take a minute out of your day and check out the piece written on Mays by Howard Bryant.   

Mr. Mays’ pre-game birthday celebration will be the 92nd pre-game celebration during the 2011 season.  That might be a record.

 

Sharks Bandwagon…All Aboard

 

The brooms are out and ready to clean Joe Louis Arena.  The series has been great and there have been no easy victories. 

 

I don’t expect the 4th win will be any different. 

 

I noticed other writers are finally starting to compare the 2010-2011 Sharks to 2010 Gigantes. 

 

Thanks for finally coming on board. 

 

Here’s hoping the parallels continue and the Sharks never face an elimination game.

 

A good time to hit the Rockies

 

Matt Cain takes the hill tonight in the series opener with the Rockies.  I watched a good amount of the D-bags/Roxs series the past few days.  It was clear the Rockies dreamy duo of Tulo and CarGo are as Joe Namath would say “struggling”. 


 

Go straight at them.  This may be the only time I have that thought for the next few years.

 

A Three Bs Sponsorship

 

http://www.BuildASign.com has decided to Sponsor The-Three-Bs and provided promotional gear.  I will have Bumper Stickers and Window Decals.

 

Let me know who wants one and I will make sure it reaches you.

 

Thanks to Megan Edgeller at BuildASign for all her help. 


Inappropriate Tweet of the Day

 

@AmyGGiants: Calling #sfgiants TWEEPS. What bball terminology confuses u? When you hear it you say, “what does that mean?” We’ll have answers next GMAG!

 

I had to rely.

 

@The_Three_Bs: @AmyGGiants while in college @kjones707 always used to say “Brown Eye to The Sky” during stretching. I never got it.

 

I hope they show this picture on GMAG.

  

Johnny Chez Drinking Game and OBL/Obama Photo Theories

 

Please Check Out http://The-Three-Bs.com for all the photos and unedited content. Thanks- Shaun

 

5/5/11

 

Happy Cinco de Drinko!  In honor of the 2nd best drinking holiday of the year, The Slingin’ Johnny Sanchez Drinking Game has been unveiled.

 

I was unable to participate or score the game as I had to work.  A quick look at the box score shows about 8 ½ beers (not including looks from J. Sanchez or Bochy).

 

This game may be just as lethal as the BZDG. 

 

Gigantes fans cannot complain with a 5-5 road trip considering how futile the offense was.  We all envisioned Mike Fontenot penciled (I hope that is Bochy’s writing tool of choice) in the three hole. 

 

The sad part about Fontenot hitting 3rd is that is where he should be hitting at the moment.  Lil man is rocking .892 OPS, which leads all players who are not on the DL named Pablo Sandoval.

 

A Late Acknowledgement

 

I have to give a late acknowledgement to the great Kenstrodaumas on his end of game prediction during Saturday’s Angels/Rays game. 

 

With two outs in the bottom of the 10th inning, Fernando Rodney faced (the recently DFA’d) Felipe Lopez with Matt Joyce on 3rd base.

 

KJ: “Wild Pitch, game over.”

 

Rodney threw a fastball which Hank Conger could not backhand, the ball went to the backstop, and Matt Joyce scored the game winner.

 

KJ: “Told you.”

 

KJ has a knack for these kinds of things, it is scary.  There has to be someway I can exploit this for a monetary gain.

 

Say Cheese OBL!

 

President Obama decided not to release photos of Osama bin Laden’s corpse.  I have a couple of theories on why President Obama held the photos back.

 

1.  President Obama wants to show the Right Wingers that he a Capitalist!

 

The President will open a bidding war between the tabloids and other news publications all over the world for the rights to the photos.

 

That would end all the socialist talk.

 

2.  The photos will be released on November 2nd 2012.

 

After all, he is a Politician.  It will help the exit poll numbers.

 

The Daily Bs 5/4

For all the unedited content and photos, please go to http://The-Three-Bs.com. -Shaun

 

5/4/11

 

That’s all it took? One night of obnoxious inebriation and Huff Daddy is back on track.  I penned a note to Mr. Huff to remind him how to succeed on the field.

 

Dear Aubrey,

 

Please get drunk and act like me more often at Playoff Hockey games.  It is good for the ball club.

 

Sincerely,

 

Shaun Lauren Yaple

 

 

Jose Reyes must not want to be part of Los Gigantes

 

Jose Reyes went 3×3 with 3 BB in yesterday’s game.  The impressive performance prompted Sandy Alderson to call Brian Sabean and ask for three more mid-level prospects in addition to Zach Wheeler.

Fine Sandy, I’ll throw in Charlie Culberson. 

 

Jose will need to tone it down if he wants to be part of the defending World Champs.  His play may price himself out of what Sabean is willing to give up.

 

Timmy should help Los Gigantes in two ways tonight:

 

1. Get a W.

 

2. Give Reyes the collar, which will allow Sabean to remove one of the mid-level prospects in the Zach Wheeler plus others for Jose Reyes trade.

 

Insensitive Joke of the Day

 

KJ: “You hear about the new Osama bin Laden drink?”

 

SLY: “Nope.”

 

KJ: “A shot of any alcohol followed by a splash of water.”

 

 

Happy Lincecum Day!

Surgery, Black Ops, and Blowin a .201!

For the unedited fun, go to http://The-Three-Bs.com.  Thanks- Shaun

 

5/3/11

 

Yes Miggy, that game (5/2) was your fault. 

 

Enough said.

 

A Routine Surgery?

 

Pablo had successful surgery on his left hamate bone today.  Andrew Baggarly (@extrabaggs) wrote: “It was such a routine procedure, the only way the surgeons could botch it woudl be to cut open his left hand by mistake.”

 

Many from the baseball world believe there is nothing routine about a routine ground ball.

 

Most surgeons would agree the same holds true for any surgery.

 

I have first hand experience of how there is nothing routine about a routine surgery.  I had a “routine” elbow surgery which led to 4 more non-routine surgeries to correct the “routine” surgery.

 

It was the worst 5 months of my life. It still affects me today.

 

I wish Pablo a quick and healthy recovery.

 

Black Ops Kidnapping

 

Los Gigantes should have two goals while in New York:

 

1.) Win the series.

 

2.) Kidnap Jose Reyes

 

Reyes would be a great fit on and off the field.  He already has the San Francisco style.

 

Winner, Winner, Jail Bird Dinner

 

Shin-Soo Choo was arrested on suspicion of DUI early Monday morning.  Choo blew a .201 on the preliminary (That’s for you C-Lew) breathalyzer screening.

 

Holy Smokes. 

 

KJ, C-Lew, The Real Dante’ Hicks, and I proved how hard that is to actually do.  After our Beerfest excursion, we all took turns using the breathalyzer.  I was the leader in the clubhouse with a .145. 

 

I am impressed with your ability to pound the Soju, but disappointed in your drunk decision making process.

 

Call a cab brother.

A Weekend To Remember

5/2/11
SLY

 

There are only a handful of times in your life where you will always remember where you were and what you were doing when an event occurred. 

 

In my lifetime:

 

1. (1989, 5 years old) Loma Preita Earthquake: I was with my sister in my parent’s living room watching Nickelodeon’s “You can’t do that on television.”

 

slime.jpg

 

I stood in the door frame of the front door.  I was more intrigued than scared. 

 

2. (1994, 10 years old) First death of a friend: I was at my grandparent’s house watching SportsCenter when my Grandmother sat me down and gently explained that one of my Dad’s best friends had passed away.

 

I stared straight ahead at the television.  Orlando Merced hit a home run for the Pirates on the SportsCenter highlight as my Grandmother broke the news.

From that day forward I never liked Orlando Merced.  Later that day was the first time I really saw my Father cry.  I had no idea how to comfort him.

 

3. (2001, 17 years old) 9/11 Attacks: My Mother woke me up for school and told me an airplane crashed into one of twin towers.

 

I made breakfast and turned the television on in the kitchen.  I watched live as the 2nd airplane flew into the 2nd tower.  I was in complete shock.  My first period class was a U.S. Government class.  We listened on the radio as the Pentagon was hit and Flight 93 crashed in Pennsylvania.  I remember how quiet the school day was. 

 

4. (2010, 26 years old) Los Gigantes World Series Victory: This event is so insignificant in the grand scheme of life, but I will always where I was and what I did.  I was standing in front of the television next to KJ.  Wilson stuck out Cruz. We cheered, pounded a celebratory brew, and then realized the season was over. 

 

A bottle of Johnny Walker Blue was opened and we took in the postgame celebration.  I felt an odd mixture of emotions.  I reflected about all the games I attended as a child with my Father, Grandparents, and friends.  I was amazed how a game could completely intertwine with almost all phases of my life. 

 

5. (2011, 27 years old) President Obama’s announcement of the death of Osama bin Laden: Two hours before our President’s official announcement, the Twitter rumor mill was running rampart with news of the death of Osama bin Laden.  I turned on CNN, Wolf Blitzer was hinting about an announcement from the President in the East Room of the White House at 10:30pm EST.  They didn’t announce the death of Osama bin Laden until they had three confirmed sources.  I poured myself a stiff drink and waited for President Obama’s announcement.  President Obama was direct and eloquent (expect the teleprompter writer had a few stutters written in) addressing the nation.

 

President Obama really is a powerful speaker.

 

Bin Laden’s death is more of a symbolic than tactical victory in the war against terrorism and Al-Qaeda.  I feel good that the victims of 9/11 potentially have partial closure.  The wound will never heal, but the news had to feel like Neosporin was helping the scab to finally form.

 

I saw a quote today which people should take to heart before they shoot their shotguns in celebration of the death of a man, even a man as evil as Osama bin Laden.

 

“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy.”- Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

Clever Political President

 

President Obama was an hour late in his scheduled announcement of Osama bin Laden’s death.  My sources (my brain) tell me the clever president waited so he could interrupt the west coast broadcast of Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice.


 

The President’s arm may be the weakest throwing arm from any president in the history of our nation, but he struck out Trump this week.

 

Birth Certificate: Strike One.

 

Correspondence dinner turned into impromptu Donald Trump roast: Strike Two.

 

Removing Osama bin Laden from the FBI’s most wanted list: Strike Three.


 

Hawk Harreleson, the announcer of the President’s favorite baseball (White Sox) team would say, “He Gone.”

 

Sports! Sports! Sports!

 

Alright, back to things I am more comfortable writing about; sports and alcohol consumption. 

 

4/29/11 Friday:

 

I attended game one of the Shark/Red Wings series.  It was a great game with great intensity.  I even made friends with a Red Wings fan.  He was wearing a Red Wings jersey with the #19 and “Stoner” on the back.

 

Stoner offered me a drink after the 1st period with the Wings leading 1-0. 

 

SLY: “I won’t turn down a drink.”

 

Stoner: “What do you want?”

 

SLY: “You buy, I drink.”

 

Stoner: (Yelling to anyone who would listen) “This is the coolest dude in the arena!”

 

As Stoner left I thought to myself, “anything but Jagermeister, anything but Jagermeister.”

 

Stoner returned with…Jagermeister.

 

SLY: “Thanks bro.”

 

Down went the Jagermeister.  The tequila went down much easier.

 

Stoner offered another drink after the 2nd period.  I did not decline and dropped the same line.

 

SLY: “You buy, I drink.”

 

Stoner gave me the gift of Jack Daniels for the 2nd round. 

 

Stoner turned to LJ and said something odd.

 

Stoner: “Is he (me) wearing eye liner?”


I guess my eyes look like Richard Alpert from Lost 


LJ: “No, it is natural.”

 

Was Stoner buying me drinks because he thought I was cute?

 

So that’s what it feels like to be a good looking girl.

 

Stoner was gracious in defeat.  We shook hands after the game, and he did not try to make a move.  What a gentleman. 

 

I was not a gentleman after the game.  The combination of tequila, Jagermeister, and Jack Daniels turned me into a 23 year old version of myself.  I was loud and obnoxious.

 

Saturday 4/30/11:

 

I ate breakfast at Black Bear diner in the late morning hours.  It was one of the worst dining experiences I have experienced in some time.  It was disappointing because Black Bear is usually quite good. 

 

I noticed Pablo Sandoval was not in the starting lineup for Saturday’s game against the Nationals.  KJ and I were both a little agitated about this.  We thought he sitting because a lefty was on the mound.

 

Before we left I used the bathroom at Black Bear.  I sat on the toilet (after careful cleaning and placing down a seat cover) and did the 21st century version of reading a newspaper on the can, I checked out Twitter.

 

Multiple tweets read something like: “Pablo Sandoval, broken hammate bone, surgery likely.”

 

My bathroom experience immediately turned ******.

 

I quickly spread the bad news to anyone I thought would feel as bad as I would.  It felt like a punch in the gut that Pablo used to posses. 

 

Saturday’s game was one of the weirdest games I have ever viewed.  I will not break down Sanchez’s performance.  He is a freaking enigma. 

 

I am seriously considering making a Johnny Sanchez drinking game to replace the “Barry Zito Drinking Game” while the Spiritual Southpaw is on the shelf.  The rules will be centered on walks, strikeouts, and men left on base.  Every participant should be blacked out by the 5th inning.

 

Brian Wilson’s mouth summed up the game when he escaped the top of the 9th inning after his own Johnny Sanchez inspired inning.

 

Wilson: (Shouted) “What the FFFFFFFFUUUUHHHHHKKKK? FUUUUUHHHHHHHHHK!”

 

It was a fitting statement to describe the wackiness of the 2-1 Gigantes victory.

 

Sunday 5/2

 

I was unable to catch any of Los Gigantes (good thing) game as I was participating in my own baseball game with the San Jose Brewers. 

 

It was fun to hang out with all the guys again. I missed it.

 

KJ and I went over to RT’s house to catch the 3rd period of the Sharks/Red Wings game.  As always, RT had a fridge full of beer.  We drank and ate as we cheered the Sharks on to their 2-0 series lead.

As I stated before the playoffs started, I have that feeling with the Sharks.  Their season mirrors Los Gigantes of 2010. 

 

The Mets/Phillies game was on as I learned the news of Osama bin Laden.  It was fitting that a New York team was playing as President Obama announced the death to the world.  This may have been the first time Phillies fans expressed any brotherly love to Mets fans. I am positive I was not the only one who had goosebumps when the “USA, USA” chants were booming from the fans of Citizens Bank Park.

 

I turned on “American Dad” to end the night.


 

“Good morning USA, I have a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day.”

 

A fitting line for a day I will soon not forget.

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